I may edit or delete this post, depending how I feel after the frustration cloud disappears. This is just how things are going, and I know that my rose-coloured world has been thorny as of late.

I had a lovely day on Sunday. I had a beautiful flower bouquet and some very nice cards. DH and kids made pancakes in the morning, and the afternoon included a nap, reading, shared Nintendo DS gaming, talking to my mom and a laundry party where everyone was invited! I know that laundry is not every one's ideas of fun, but the baskets to be put away were severely overflowing. I knew that I would be out on Monday, so I just didn't want to look at it in the corner of my room another day. Before we had this house I vowed that laundry would not be deposited in my room. I just hate that idea. However, since our room is the size of two rooms, it just happens to be the "laundry sort and distribute center". So be it. It's only temporary, eh?

So anyway, just over a week ago, in a rant, I told DH that I would not be celebrating Mother's Day. Part of the non-celebration that I was talking about was not attending a Mother's Day brunch at the Enlisted Club. It would have cost us about $80.00 for our family, with three children free. Insane.

I just haven't felt very positive about mothering lately. It's not a certain thing, it's just a whole bunch of frustrations that keep adding up. For example, today I spent some time catching up on the computer since I have not really been on it since Saturday a.m. During that time, despite numerous verbal requests and get-up and check incidents, this is what I found when I came out of the world-wide fog and surveyed my house.

  • Logan has also been tearing pages from magazines and spreading them on the floor. Some haven't been read yet. Ironically, one is the recent "Parents" copy.
  • The potty seat, normally located in the bathroom should a three-year-old have an "ah'ha" moment, is now conveniently located on my coffee table. Sweet.
  • There are shredded bits of toilet paper located in the downstairs bath and hallway. I cannot understand the recent obsession with toilet paper, wipes, and tissues with the two youngest, but it is getting old- fast.
  • Wii paraphernalia strung about the living room. Brand new, might I add.
  • A carton of milk taken from the fridge, left on the floor.
  • Various plastic cups retrieved from a kitchen storage bin are on the floor.
  • The usual assortment of toys (when did they have time for these?).
  • Several couch pillows laying around on the floor. Ask my husband-I HATE this. I swifter very often, but I don't like my pillows used as toys since there are many other toys. Maybe I just need to invest in some cheap pillows that the boys can throw on the floor. They probably will get carted upstairs, though.
  • The bathroom pump soap is sitting on the coffee table, thankfully unscathed.
  • Ryan closed the door on Logan, who is now crying.
  • The smell of a poopy diaper is beckoning me.

Add this to the recent lying episodes with the girls (about silly things, like sneaking a snack or whether they were on the computer before finishing a task); the stuffing of clean laundry with dirty laundry, on the wardrobe floor, or of all places...in a dollhouse; and bickering. If you have seen my laundry stack-and my mom is doing a very loud head nod at this moment, it is understandable just why this is so frustrating.

There' s also the finding tons of wipes that Ryan is using to clean (I guess) and stuffs under the coffee table, his wardrobe, and his dresser. No wonder that I am always refilling the wipe box. I think he does this on days when he doesn't nap and plays in his room instead.

A bottle of pulpy orange juice was left on the table yesterday within Logan's reach. I heard it fall and turned the corner to see him sitting in the middle of it------splashing.

Logan is also infamous for his ear-piercing shriek. These emit from his mouth when he is happy, playing, mad, tired, hungry, etc. We are teaching him to sign "please", and "more", and this has replaced the unpleasant sound somewhat. He has just been a very loud baby from day one. When we tell him "no screaming" or give him "the look", he just screams louder. Do you remember seeing families with a child like this? We remember seeing them and being thankful for our quieter kids. We have now become one of "them".

And can I add that Nick pointed out to me several weeks ago, with a smirk, that I have a "big belly". Mother's like to be reminded of this, don't they? He wanted to know why. I explained part of it was from having him and his siblings, and the surgeries to have them. We also talked about how he knew that it wasn't a kind thing to say, and why would he want to say something like that to mommy. I just was finding it hard to feel the love for this little man for a while. I'm over it. I think.

Many times I have heard people tell me that I make being a mother look so easy. I really don't know where they get that. I am a good mother, I know that, but it doesn't come easy. I love my children tremendously and I am thankful that my husband has a job that allows me to spend time with them. I know that God has entrusted these kids to me and that He knows that I will love them. I need to remember this on these days (or weeks) when I just want to disappear to a tropical place. I try to make things fun for them and I am teaching them to think of others. It's just sometimes I just don't feel like mothering.

Now, having said that, Häagen-Dazs and I are going to contemplate this mothering business some more. I wouldn't want to disappoint Nicholas and lose the belly.

4 fabulous friends:

Bilary said...

I LOVED this post - I can relate to way too many of them!!! I love the wipes all over. My kids do that too. They think they are "cleaning" with them. Makes me nuts!

And Bill and the kids were all so nice to me on Mother's Day, so then I felt guilty because what I really want to do is go away for a few days and NOT BE A MOM! UGH!

The best I can tell you is that I completely understand how you are feeling (you heard my Mother's Day rant) and all we can do is try our best. As for the ice cream - eat LOTS of it. That always helps!:)

And we should swap "stinker boy" stories someday. That is Hayden's nickname right now!:)

Rhea said...

Some days are just rough, there's no doubt about it. Sometimes it's a week or more, not just a day or two. I can relate.

My boys were acting up on Mother's Day, not sure why. They weren't their usual sweet selves. There are days like that, and I just wonder, what have I done wrong?!! Can I go hide away from everyone and just not be me for a while?!!

Hang in there...it will pass. It's a vicious cycle..the good times, the bad, the good, the bad. lol BTW, LOVE the convertible pic. I wouldn't mind one of those...for a few days...without the kids.

bauer zoo said...

you know, i could have written this post myself. i don't know if you feel the same way but...i appreciate it when people say that i make being a mom of a bunch of kids look easy (like you), but it puts a lot of unwanted pressure on too. like someone is always watching, and it makes me nervous and feel like i have to live up to their expectations. ( i hope that made sense!) those comments are always nice, but sometimes it feels like one more thing added on my shoulders.
thanks so much for this post, it's so nice to know i'm not alone!

LiteralDan said...

Wow, this sounds so much like my life, except that would be a week's worth of stuff all in one day (I've only got two, after all). I definitely feel for you. I hope the frustration passes soon-- I know it will sooner or later.